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| "Pacific Currents" by Rev. Dr. Mary Susan Gast,
Conference Minister, February, 2000 In Defense of Marriage
Marriage is a phenomenon. "Phenomenon." As in: abnormality, actuality, event, exception, fact, happening, incident, marvel, miracle, "something else." It's all of those contradictory synonyms and more. I have been married to the same man for nearly 30 years. To confirm your mental calculations, we exchanged our vows early in the 1970's when getting married wasn't all that popular. I remember explaining to many of our acquaintances just why it was we were doing this. We deflected spacey warnings about "hanging loose" [as opposed to "getting entangled" we supposed] and historical-political exhortations on the inherent oppressiveness of marriage as an institution. We said things about neither of us being able to imagine our future without the other, about wanting to celebrate and bring our friends and family in on it. Some months after our wedding, while sitting in a doctor's waiting room after completing various forms, I overheard the receptionist say to her assistant, "She's married. But she didn't take his name. What's the point?" Marriage is a phenomenon. Familiar, freaky, and fascinating all at the same time. We all "know" what marriage is. Until someone comes along to unsettle our knowledge. Marriage is: a legal contract; vows; a lifelong commitment; dissoluble by mutual consent; a sacrament; in trouble; all, some, or none of the above. Biblical views of marriage include polygamy and women-as-property. Christian thinkers have concluded that marriage is, variously, worse than celibacy but OK for those who can't control their lust; necessary for the procreation of children; the supreme metaphor of Christ's love for the church; blessed union. As an ordained minister I have officiated at weddings that were religious and legal, religious but not legal, and (once) legal but not religious. In fourteen words Proposition 22 addresses the question of who can be legally married in the State of California: "Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California." The purpose of Proposition 22 is twofold: (1) to keep California from recognizing same-sex marriages which may be legal in other states and (2) to prevent California from enacting legislation recognizing same-sex marriage. Religious leaders who support Proposition 22 refer to it as "protection of marriage." "Marriage is in trouble today and we feel that it would be lowering the bar to marriage to open marriage up to same-sex partners," one proponent told me. I agree that marriage is in trouble. That it is frequently entered into too lightly, often with more heed to the wedding finery than the far-reaching repercussions. That the divorce rate is so high as to dizzy our hopes for constancy in raising children, and elevate our anxiety over the sheer number of adults walking around with wounded spirits while struggling to carry on capably. Heterosexuals haven't achieved great success in making marriage work. What's the point of civil marriage anyway? Aside from the 1400 or so documented financial and tax advantages of which legally married people can partake, there are more benefits not so easily quantified: unhesitating admission to your spouse's hospital room; unquestioned guardianship of your children; health insurance coverage; public and pervasive recognition of your commitment to one another, with the full implication that pledging your troth and abiding in faithfulness are within your capacity as a human being. Jesus shook up the crowds with his parables. His story of the good Samaritan was a tale of the right thing done by the "wrong" person--by the person most likely to be despised by the righteous folks of that day. It is an indictment of the religiously well-versed folks who were not willing to risk touching what might very well have been a dead body because contact with a corpse would render them ritually unclean; who stood safe and virtuous within the code of holiness, secure from the hazards of saving a life. We all "know" what marriage is. Until someone comes along to unsettle our knowledge. Those of us who have taken the possibility of marriage for granted may find that, once again, it is the "wrong people" who are intent on doing the right thing. In all likelihood same-sex marriages would be as glorious and as flawed as different-sex marriages are. Committed relationships, households that endure, need all the help they can get. Proposition 22 will not enhance marriage. Rather it may be time for us to resolve, in the spirit of Romans 13: 14, "never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of another." ~ Mary Susan |
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