by Rev. Dr. Mary Susan Gast, Conference Minister, September-October, 2003
Monthly Reflections from The Pacific ~ News and Events of the NCNC United Church of Christ

TO LIVE AND LOVE IN FAITHFUL COMMITMENT

Words of encouragement and support for those ministering "in the fields."

I have been married to the same man for more than 30 years. To confirm your mental calculations, we exchanged our vows early in the 1970's when getting married wasn't all that popular. I remember explaining to many of our acquaintances just why it was we were doing this. We deflected spacey warnings about "hanging loose" [as opposed to "getting entangled" we supposed] and historical-political exhortations on the inherent oppressiveness of marriage as an institution. We said things like, "We can't imagine our future without the other," and "We want to celebrate and bring our friends and family in on it."

Some months after our wedding, while sitting in a doctor's waiting room after completing various forms, I overheard the receptionist say to her assistant, "She's married. But she didn't take his name. What's the point?"

Marriage is a phenomenon. Familiar, freaky, and fascinating all at the same time. We all "know" what marriage is. Until someone comes along to challenge our assumptions. Marriage is: a legal contract; vows; a lifelong commitment; dissoluble by mutual consent; a sacrament; in trouble; all, some, or none of the above. Biblical views of marriage include polygamy and women-as-property. Christian thinkers have concluded that marriage is, variously, worse than celibacy but OK for those who can't control their lust; necessary for the procreation of children; the supreme metaphor of Christ's love for the church; blessed union. As an ordained minister I have officiated at weddings that were religious and legal, religious but not legal, and (once) legal but not religious.

Heterosexuals haven't achieved great success in making legal marriage work. Marriage is frequently entered into too lightly, often with more heed to the wedding finery than the far-reaching repercussions. The divorce rate is so high as to dizzy our hopes for constancy in raising children, and elevate our anxiety over the sheer number of adults walking around with wounded spirits while struggling to carry on capably. Surely legal same-sex marriages would be as glorious and as flawed as different-sex marriages are.

Jesus shook up the crowds with his parables. His story of the good Samaritan was a tale of the right thing done by the "wrong" person-by the person most likely to be despised by the righteous folks of that day. It is an indictment of the religiously well-versed folks who were not willing to risk touching what might very well have been a dead body because contact with a corpse would render them ritually unclean; who stood safe and virtuous within the code of holiness, secure from the hazards of saving a life.

President Bush stated, at his press conference at the end of July, that he is "mindful that we all are sinners," and I certainly agree with him. I pray that we will be delivered from the sin of taking refuge within the familiar and the comfortable in the face of hurt and need. I pray that we-as individuals and as a nation-will repent of the urge to clothe privilege in the garment of sanctity and condemn whatever threatens our stability.

Committed relationships, households that endure, need all the help they can get. Aside from the 1400 or so documented financial and tax advantages of which legally married people can partake, there are more benefits not so easily quantified: unhesitating admission to your spouse's hospital room; unquestioned guardianship of your children; health insurance coverage; public and pervasive recognition of your commitment to one another, with the full implication that pledging your troth and abiding in faithfulness are within your capacity as a human being. Perhaps heterosexual Christians need to reflect upon marriage in the spirit of the injunction in Romans 13:14 and not "put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of another." Instead, we could clear the way for all those seeking to live and love in faithful commitment.

Your comments are welcome
Send to msgast@ncncucc.org